Saturday, August 19, 2006

Box 3

BOX 3 – an adventurous one

I want my mind to have no boundaries. I want it to be free to explore – limitless and untouched – but then again I want it to be safe and secure, warm behind the walls. In the ideal sate – it would be this room of windows not glass tinted or clear Venetian or French but huge open spaces – between the spaces outside and the spaces inside. Something I suppose like ‘the doors’ – things known and things unknown and between them lie the doors. Not doors of perception but doors of freedom….. Freedom to a space of my own, freedom to this place between the known and the unknown…this sort of haze where I can switch back and forth – not violent jerky movements but slow pleasant drift..like a hammock on a beach or a coconut shell out at sea. Thoughts like random strands..not vying for attention …. not pulling or choking…. Just hanging around..and I could choose not to jump from one lose end to another..but float and let go..
I want to reach here on my own…without you or anyone else…it is nothing personal….just the ability to make my own trip…to reach wondrous limits..and then wonder if you are really on the edge…what would happen if you pushed just a little bit further – would it be this free fall in a world without dimensions…would it be like the suction of a vacuum pump in your head..maybe it would be this crazy farm of thoughts…
..some of them nice and friendly like the innocent white sheep in the picture books…others like snarling dog…or the greedy fat pig…

We move to fast everything should be slower and more gentle – played back in slow motion with emphasis on the edges…where the colours have withered away…on the little nooks where we have hidden things for so long that we no longer know they exist…the fragments from the broken jar for how long they cut up my mind….bleeding myself just to know the guilt…
It is time I washed away myself from this filth…moved to a nicer cleaner neighbourhood…the time to move ahead has come again…and again I am moving to fast….i do not care to explain myself….because I am selfish..and if you don’t understand its not worth explaining to you anyway….

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